"So, you're 'Dad', are you? What are your resolutions? I suppose you'll be giving up chocolate, won't you? You big, fat, unsophisticated pleb."

You know what? I think it’s impossible to get through New Year’s Eve without at least stopping for a few minutes to think about the Old Year — the one that’s on its way out, I mean. And, at the start of a new decade, I’ve found myself looking much further back than that.

I was ten when the new millennium started. I remember it well: my parents were still together, we were still living in Norfolk, and we’d gone to a party some very good family friends were throwing. I had a bad cold. I don’t just mean a blocked nose and a sore throat: I honestly don’t remember feeling that poorly before or since. So the first thing I did in the year 2000 was burst into tears.

Fast-forward ten years, and I think it’s safe to say this one’s gone a lot better. Joey, Jo and I headed into Central London… All the firework viewing points were closed by the time we arrived, so we ended up next to Nelson’s Column where the BBC had set up a load of LED screens for people to watch New Year Live on.

Despite being stuck listening to the likeable but ultimately hopeless Myleene Klass (“…and, of course, reality TV. Where would we be without that?” asked Myleene. “YOU’D BE NOWHERE!” responded Joanna) the New Year’s countdown was lovely. And I’m happy to say I actually had somebody to kiss at midnight. Not because I’ve found myself a boyfriend — let’s face it, there’s more chance of Gordon Brown being described as “charismatic” than me finding love — but because Joey and Jo very kindly offered up their lips and I very eagerly took them up on said offer.

As a result, I actually made it through the bongs without feeling desperately lonely this year. Instead of waiting for all the couples to finish their kisses so I could wish them a happy New Year, I actually got to be part of one of the couples. Sure, we’re just friends — there’s nothing romantic going on between any of us — but it was still a very nice change.

Rather than freezing to death, we decided to leave pretty soon after that. Sadly, the crowds were an absolute bloody nightmare. Don’t get me wrong… It wasn’t the people in the crowds that were the problem. Most of them were lovely. It was just impossible to move till about 1:30 a.m., at which point the Tube stations finally started to get back to normal and we managed to get where we needed to be.

To their credit, the police did a great job: keeping 250,000 people safe, moving, and under control must be a heck of a task, but they pulled it off and still managed to be friendly and helpful. They get a lot of hassle, from the public and from the press, but I couldn’t say a bad word about them tonight. The same goes for the Transport for London staff.

We all got pretty stressed out trying to get home, and I don’t think we’ll ever be celebrating in Central again, but nothing went too badly wrong so I’m still choosing to think of this as one of the best New Year’s Eves I’ve ever had. Let’s just hope it’ll turn out to be one of the best years I’ve ever had, too…

Image: BBC One